It's Not You, It's My Anxiety

          Anxiety is hard to explain to those who do not understand it, and unfortunately, those who do not suffer from it, don't hear about it enough to know the effect it can have, so I would always find myself making excuses so not to offend people.

Photo by Xavier Sotomayor on Unsplash

          I remember once, I had to excuse myself from a graduation party due to an anxiety attack. I disappeared for an hour while my boyfriend at the time, mingled with all his friends and family, and I was closed up in his room simply trying to breathe. I was embarrassed that I couldn't hold myself together, and was so afraid that people would think that I was being rude or antisocial. My boyfriend understood, but would everyone else understand that, "It's not you, it's my anxiety."

          I've canceled plans with friends because of anxiety. Whether the anxiety was over getting to where I needed to go, or simply just meeting with them. I'd always feel so terrible, and pray they didn't think that I don't like them. That's not true at all, in fact, "It's not you, it's my anxiety."

          It's never personal, but I always find it difficult to explain. I don't want people to be upset when I need to excuse myself from social situations, or if I can't meet up that day because I'm having an anxiety attack. Anxiety likes to control me, to tell me what I can and cannot do, and although I try to cope and fight it, sometimes I can't win. For other people, understanding this might be hard.

          We don't talk about mental illness enough for those who don't struggle with it to truly understand the effects it can have on someone. We treat mental illness so differently than physical illness, but really, they're not much different.

          My anxiety causes distress. It sends waves of nausea through my body and makes it hard to breathe. I can't focus, I can't function. My ability to cope has left the building... So sometimes, I say that I'm sick. Because although I'm experiencing anxiety, I feel sick. I am sick.

          When someone has the flu, and they cancel plans, we are so quick to be forgiving. We need to make it better known, that mental illness of any sort, has physical affects on you and your ability to function as well as a very real impact on your mental state. Just because it's your mind, doesn't mean it isn't important.

          It's time to talk about it, it's time to understand it. So please, realize, if I need some space, "It's not you, it's my anxiety."

-Tori Lynn