Toxic People

          Most people, in their lifetime, will come across a few toxic people. Whether family, friendships, or relationships. I’ve already encountered my fair share and I’ve been starting to learn a lot on how to handle it. Learning that I deserve better was the most difficult part, but also the most important. I first needed to value myself before I could understand where things were going wrong with the company I kept. I gave too many second chances to people who didn’t prove they deserved them. I used to hand them out freely, regardless of how much people had hurt me. I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, and though in some cases that can be good and even appropriate, I wasn’t using my discernment to figure out if these were those appropriate situations. I let myself get hurt over and over, letting the same people back in, just to end up with the same results, when I should have been protecting myself.
(Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”)

          I’m not saying to never give someone a second chance, I’m just saying to be careful of how many you hand out. I suggest, if you’re considering giving someone a second chance, do so with caution determined by the character they showed you previously.

          There is an aspect of manipulation to any toxic person or relationship and this is why they are so harmful. Toxic people have a few characteristics they can be identified by. Things to look out for include but are not limited to some of these listed below.

The Blamer: They will often make you feel like every argument, issue, or problem is your fault. Even if you can logically tell yourself otherwise and have proof that they are the ones who created said problem, they will still make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. They most likely will not listen or agree with anything you are saying, even faced with facts.
(Proverbs 18:1 “Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out a common sense.”)
  They will not want to accept responsibility for anything if they are able to pass the blame off to someone else.

The Insulter: Back handed compliments are a very big sign that this person is toxic. Something such as “That dress looks good on you, it would look even better if you lost some weight.” These sorts of things tear people down more than they build people up, yet it’s disguised as a “compliment”. Don’t let yourself be fooled. Genuine compliments will leave you feeling happy or confident.

The User: Some toxic people will use you. Only call when they need a ride, and only hang out when you can provide it for them. Maybe they need to use your printer and that the only time you ever get a call back. We often feel obligated to do these things because in our minds, “that’s what friends do” but in reality, if they do not make an effort in the friendship outside of needing something, can you really consider yourself friends? Doing favors for friends doesn’t mean you’re being used, but when these favors are the only thing you seem to ever do with this friend, it may be time to start asking where you stand.

          There are so many different types of toxic people out there and they come in varying degrees. The sad thing is, sometimes they are the people we consider the closest to us. Using your discernment is the best way to figure out, when it’s time to say, enough is enough. You deserve to be treated with respect. We are only human and sometimes we give people too many second chances. I know I have. When it comes down to it, though, we need to be able to protect ourselves as well. Sometimes we need to be able to let go, and accept that no matter how many chances someone is given, if they do not want to improve themselves, nothing will change.
(Proverbs 14:18 “If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace, if you accept correction, you will be honored.”)

          It is not our job to fix people, however, nor is it our job to punish them. It is simply our job to do what is best for ourselves, and if that means removing these people from our lives, then that is what you should do.

          I have had people act as if removing them from my life is a punishment, do not let these types of people make you feel guilty. It is okay to put yourself first when you find yourself in situations where it is necessary.

          If you have someone in your life that makes you feel inferior when you’re around them, or sick when their name pops up on your phone. If that person makes you feel used, self conscious, or even guilty for things that were not your fault, then my advice to you is this: Evaluate the situation, talk with this person if you haven’t already, and let them know how you feel. If they do not seem apologetic for how their actions or words have affected you, then it’s time to let go. It is okay to let go of people who you feel, a continued friendship or relationship with, will not benefit you, or could potentially cause you more harm.

          You deserve to be happy and loved in all your relationships.

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for ‘bad company corrupts good character.’”

Proverbs 14:7 “Stay away from fools, for you won’t find knowledge on their lips.”

-Tori Lynn