Forgiving someone who has hurt you, and apologizing when
you’ve hurt others can both be difficult. Letting go of the pain someone has
caused you takes time, and requires a healing process. Apologizing takes a lot
of courage, because no one ever likes to admit they were wrong. A lot of the
time, these things don’t get done. People don’t apologize and therefore, there
is no forgiveness. So many people hold their pride closer than their respect
for other people with results in other people holding grudges.
Apologies
For me, I tend to apologize for everything. When I’m in the way, if someone says “excuse me” as they try to get past me I will apologize. These are what I call courtesy apologies. Not everyone uses them, but I know I do. These are different than admitting when we are wrong though.
Apologies need to be genuine. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “I’m sorry”, but didn’t truly feel like it was an honest one. That’s why sometimes it is difficult to forgive people even if they apologize, because sometimes, we just don’t feel it.
Apologies won’t always get us what we want though. In some situations, they just aren’t enough to warrant second chances. This goes for both us giving and receiving apologies. Though, often times we are forgiven, and get to move on in the right direction with people, no one is obligated to let us back into their lives, and you are not obligated to let someone back in either. I have, on many occasions, had to explain to people that, although they are sorry, and I forgive them, I won’t be putting myself back, in a position, to be hurt again. Looking out for yourself is okay and sometimes it’s just what we need to do. If you’re ever in a situation where someone gets upset or angry that you won’t give them a second chance, just know it’s okay. Not everyone is going to understand. Just do what is best for you and try to move on.
Forgiveness
Forgiving someone for hurting you can be difficult, in fact I still carry a few things around that I haven’t forgiven people for just yet. I’m getting there, but it is a healing process like I mentioned before. How quickly someone forgives is not only determined by the amount of pain caused, but determined by the person who was hurt and their ability to accept what happened and move on.
Despite popular belief, forgiveness isn’t for the person who hurt you, it’s for you. Because holding onto the hurt people cause gets us nowhere. It’s an endless cycle and going without forgiving makes us relive the pain. It’s not about if the person who hurt you deserves the forgiveness, it’s about you moving forward and letting go of that pain. It’s about you taking control of your emotions and your mind and doing something about a situation you were faced with. So ultimately, forgiveness is for you. For yourself to find peace of mind, and you deserve that.
Sometimes it takes awhile. I don’t expect anyone to get hurt and immediately say “I forgive you” and move on. That’s not a realistic mindset. I know how difficult it can be to forgive someone who has hurt you.
I’ve had to forgive many people I my life, because if I didn’t, It would have destroyed me. The worst feeling is holding onto something for too long, so long even, you can’t remember what it was like not to hate them or what they’ve done. I personally can’t say I hate anyone. It would take quite a lot to get that sort of reaction out of me, but even so, I can say I’ve had immense dislike for a few people. I’m not perfect, and there are a few people I’m still working on forgiving, but that’s the key, actually working on it. Not letting yourself fall into the mindset of “This is how its going to be” for the rest of your life.
Not everyone will understand the importance of forgiveness either. If you’ve done something that you’ve apologized for, yet this person doesn’t forgive you, try to understand, some people don’t have it in them to let go. You’ll need to find a way to forgive yourself for what it is you did. People make mistakes, and sometimes the consequences of our actions hurt, but even when we are sorry, there are still consequences. Sometimes there is nothing we can say or do to change some ones mind, whether about forgiveness or about second chances. We just have to accept this and move on, because dwelling on it won’t fix it.
There’s a lot to forgiveness and apologies. So much, I’m afraid I can’t cover it all. All circumstances, situations and personal experiences are going to be different. They’re all going to have their own individual aspects to them so I can’t be specific to everything, but these are some general thoughts I have on the subjects.
My advice to you is this:
Apologies
For me, I tend to apologize for everything. When I’m in the way, if someone says “excuse me” as they try to get past me I will apologize. These are what I call courtesy apologies. Not everyone uses them, but I know I do. These are different than admitting when we are wrong though.
Apologies need to be genuine. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “I’m sorry”, but didn’t truly feel like it was an honest one. That’s why sometimes it is difficult to forgive people even if they apologize, because sometimes, we just don’t feel it.
Apologies won’t always get us what we want though. In some situations, they just aren’t enough to warrant second chances. This goes for both us giving and receiving apologies. Though, often times we are forgiven, and get to move on in the right direction with people, no one is obligated to let us back into their lives, and you are not obligated to let someone back in either. I have, on many occasions, had to explain to people that, although they are sorry, and I forgive them, I won’t be putting myself back, in a position, to be hurt again. Looking out for yourself is okay and sometimes it’s just what we need to do. If you’re ever in a situation where someone gets upset or angry that you won’t give them a second chance, just know it’s okay. Not everyone is going to understand. Just do what is best for you and try to move on.
Forgiveness
Forgiving someone for hurting you can be difficult, in fact I still carry a few things around that I haven’t forgiven people for just yet. I’m getting there, but it is a healing process like I mentioned before. How quickly someone forgives is not only determined by the amount of pain caused, but determined by the person who was hurt and their ability to accept what happened and move on.
Despite popular belief, forgiveness isn’t for the person who hurt you, it’s for you. Because holding onto the hurt people cause gets us nowhere. It’s an endless cycle and going without forgiving makes us relive the pain. It’s not about if the person who hurt you deserves the forgiveness, it’s about you moving forward and letting go of that pain. It’s about you taking control of your emotions and your mind and doing something about a situation you were faced with. So ultimately, forgiveness is for you. For yourself to find peace of mind, and you deserve that.
Sometimes it takes awhile. I don’t expect anyone to get hurt and immediately say “I forgive you” and move on. That’s not a realistic mindset. I know how difficult it can be to forgive someone who has hurt you.
I’ve had to forgive many people I my life, because if I didn’t, It would have destroyed me. The worst feeling is holding onto something for too long, so long even, you can’t remember what it was like not to hate them or what they’ve done. I personally can’t say I hate anyone. It would take quite a lot to get that sort of reaction out of me, but even so, I can say I’ve had immense dislike for a few people. I’m not perfect, and there are a few people I’m still working on forgiving, but that’s the key, actually working on it. Not letting yourself fall into the mindset of “This is how its going to be” for the rest of your life.
Not everyone will understand the importance of forgiveness either. If you’ve done something that you’ve apologized for, yet this person doesn’t forgive you, try to understand, some people don’t have it in them to let go. You’ll need to find a way to forgive yourself for what it is you did. People make mistakes, and sometimes the consequences of our actions hurt, but even when we are sorry, there are still consequences. Sometimes there is nothing we can say or do to change some ones mind, whether about forgiveness or about second chances. We just have to accept this and move on, because dwelling on it won’t fix it.
There’s a lot to forgiveness and apologies. So much, I’m afraid I can’t cover it all. All circumstances, situations and personal experiences are going to be different. They’re all going to have their own individual aspects to them so I can’t be specific to everything, but these are some general thoughts I have on the subjects.
My advice to you is this:
- Love yourself enough to forgive people, because holding onto grudges will only hurt you.
- Humble yourself enough to apologize when you are wrong, and forgive yourself.
- Understand that being forgiven can take time and doesn’t guarantee second chances.
- Know that you are not obligated to give second chances if you forgive someone.
-Tori Lynn
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