180

Do you ever feel like you've got a grip on things, and finally get settled into feeling good, when all of a sudden, you feel everything clawing it's way back up?

That's where I am today, and I keep trying to tell myself that today is just one of those days, and it will pass. I don't have to allow a bad day, or this feeling, stretch into the rest of my week, or month, and so on.

Self talk is important, but it's very discouraging, and hard to stay on track, when you feel like it's coming from inside. It feels like you can't possibly block it out, or escape it, when it's inside of you.

This isn't one of those feel good entries. It's more like, I understand, and I get it too. A bad day doesn't equal a bad life, logically I know this, but no amount of logic eases my compulsive feelings, or uprising anxiety and insecurities.

Today is good compared to my worst day thus far. I'd take this, and all it's feelings, over that day, every time. I'm grateful for how far I've come since then. Most would probably even say I've done a 180, and I'd agree with them. Not because everything is perfect, but because, just a few months ago, I was at the lowest point I have ever been in my entire life. I was on the phone with my mother, and I told her I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to live.

With all that being said, just because I'm not at my very worst today, doesn't mean today's feelings are invalid.

So yes, bad days happen, and so do worst days. Sometimes it feels like you can't escape, and it's hard to talk yourself away from getting trapped there. Sometimes small things hurt a lot. That's okay. Today's struggles are valid, even if they're not nearly as bad as yesterday's.

I needed to get this out today. I haven't blogged in awhile, and hopefully I'll be putting out more content soon. Ideally, something more positive.

Sending you my love xoxo